some entire electrobeatnik alternate world (sidewayszombie) wrote,
some entire electrobeatnik alternate world
sidewayszombie

some kind of hibernation numb
no, there's no Great Reason
just tease and profit

it briefly broke when i was reading what color is your parachute and the despair i've been avoiding asserted itself
it was suggesting to use twitter, linked in, facebook. no, if that's what it takes i'd rather waste away
that is what did it--that i am at odds with what the world wants and that it is at odds with what i want
that i will have to fight to exhaustion for the /possibility/, probably to have it taken away by an inspector or local association or judge before it's legally prototyped
or i will have to do it like someone who everyone expects will end up on the evening news one day
and i started to wonder if any of it was even worth it. i don't want to work to their benefit and i don't see how to work to mine while avoiding the terrible realities--that is what did it

when it breaks, at least we will have an excuse
i guess even in hibernation i am more interested in creating a blizzard than a tower
i wonder less how about how things could be different and more about when i won't have to wonder anymore

it's a strange inversion of what i felt before i quit. that was hot, this is cold and i'm kinda mad at the weather that it's trying to be spring already
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