it is what i think about in the shower

sidewayszombie @ 2012-02-26T23:29:00

2012-02-27T07:29:42Z

he's having awful dreams, nightmares
there is fifteen to a team,
his longshot calls support to the weak, slow individual in this instance suffering to gain experience. "your ways are altruistic, lets show these sorry fucks what it means..."
we will knock the paintings off their metal springs in this hallway.
in five minutes, we are alone. the radio is blasting static emergency signals. there is noxious smoke and the gunner can't see straight, the rowhouses ahead are crumbling violently marking the passage of time, each minute another block implodes less than a dozen meters ahead of our retreating position and the loader in his spare time tries to follow the smoke tracer...
the heavy bait. we are outgunned but never outnumbered.
i realize i am alone. though my comrades, my country may claim victory i am already inhaling smoke with no way to call home i can only hope these shorting wires allow me one last shot...
the klaxons the church with our munition stash is lowering the flag at least the groundmen have set their snares i hear the plink one second before impact i have knocked down several majestic pillars to find a position in the mail stop enough time to fire one more shell the tread buckles and there is no time to dig in,
i see motherland flag raised a few kilometers and salute it burning to death
today is a good day to die.

sidewayszombie @ 2012-02-10T14:40:00

2012-02-10T22:40:45Z

I am wandering through one of those shops that smells like pine. It is for old ladies to decorate their houses. There are candles and figurines of cozy 50s suburbs. I wander towards the christmas section.
It narrows from an open shop to a sort of hallway of connected rooms. Each room is progressively less decorated. There are workers scurrying to stock shelves, or put them there in the first place. They apologize to me specifically. They weren't expecting me.
I get to the last room. It is all white, but it is pretty dark. There are curtains coming down from the corners of ceiling and wall. One lonely worker dramatically turns on a lamp off to the side. On a pedestal, a three foot tall cross is illuminated from behind. The cross rises from the torn open stomach of a doll. The back of the cross is gold, the front is all shadow.
I remark that it reminds of me of some of the installations I used to see at umbc. A friend remarks that the room feels very desperate.
We crack small jokes about the weirdness of the room. "All it needs is to dim the lights, then from a hidden projector, on the wall right here, 12 inch letters spell out "What's up, doc?"
I woke up laughing real hard.

sidewayszombie @ 2012-02-08T08:53:00

2012-02-08T16:53:57Z

I was ripping shit up in an AT-AT with lasers that shot from its "eyes"
i was riding an art school bus through san francisco. i got off on polk street, started to walk to market and hit the water instead. it was raining, i saw a familiar green jacket. she was writing about what a mess i'd made or what a mess i was or what a mess i am
i was leafing through dusty pages in an old box. "this is a tenth level seal, but most people only have fourth level eyes"
i concentrated hard to learn the technique anyway, i saw four red petals flutter and confused the root with the heart. even if my lizard desires are dressed up in clever dreams, i feel dirtier than a politician now.

sidewayszombie @ 2012-01-26T20:33:00

2012-01-27T04:33:41Z

i face the grime layer his reality, i do nothing about it.
i try to visit the castle and i am denied at the town gate. "what you are looking for isn't here any longer"
clearly someone has moved it, probably using night as cover.
intoxicants are expensive and make me feel sick before me feel satisfied. food makes candles hiss. i certainly can't eat my fill, but i can't fast.

mountain drafts have the geometry correct but expect perfect material efficiency. my ratios are all off, my margins are eaten up by tax and broker fees. tell those damn pirates they'll have to wait another week but don't tell them it is my fault.

in fact, blame everything on the dumpsters. and the telecoms, and their agents, and their supply.
THEREBY I PPropose "The National Love Candy Cake Coca Cola Troops Kitten Christmas Corn Cheeseburger Jesus HBOFOXIPHONETWITTER Safety Cheap Gasoline Aid Act" ...and I call the act the aristocrats! (why bother hiding behind bullshit names when the normal red assed american is too stupid and too happy being stupid to check and intended failure system design to even know the extent of the common man's now short horizon to even know he should check? why bother still playing that game when the rest have already bailed in their own way(zoloft, denial, expat, jail)?
I'd still like to know why wikipedia and google went black that day. Was it to celebrate mlk? OR as a celebration of crude and rubber? Yknow even the crest our culture rallied on isnt as romantic as steel and toolmaking. brute force the argument for its efficiency laughable considering the waste at all levels. BECOME the true civil hero your chainsmoking, drunk, grayhaired presidents want you to be and learn to BURN SHIT to propel us five years but not ten into the future. The only way we will be able to yank out the needle is if we somehow figure out a way to portion out our own souls and use as a chemical catalyst to move around between nowhere and nowhere important.

every day i swear at the street every day i don't belong. i don't know where i was. there is no better time, "so you're staying saha then?" vacation can mean a lot of things. i've been told one i want isn't real. the rest aren't so novel anymore.
the floor clears out and things stop making noise. cheap paint is enough to sit next to a priceless artifact, these days.
i'll make a good decoration, on the next day of the dog.

roof rain

2012-01-23T08:38:12Z

yeah, the sound of old thoughts too long gone to even regret
the sound of torrential rain,
i'll oil my 21speed cog tomorrowtomorrow onceitdries...
dust leaves good cold glass enough room to contemplate is enough room too..
instead i eat an apology(spicy) and agree,
enough room to open my windows to the rain, sleep cold, agree and wake up with enough room to agree with dreams apology
i don't have a single new years resolution,
if my parents read my letter to 2012(been writing letters on NYE to the next year for about a decade good tradition) they'd be worried about depression but they also don't know exactly how many of my peers have degrees, 40-100k in debt AND work at sbux rightalongsideme.

te point is. rain. good beer. weekend. another two days to face it burning face ten stories to confront while cool, wrapped in blanket, cozy, cushion. can i? will i?

desert cruiser

2012-01-13T05:52:50Z

in search of:
alien technology
fumes
elemental artifacts
clues, fuses

technology has finally progressed to a point where our shields recharge under direct sunlight
technology has finally progressed to the point where private corporations have a better approach re:the public's health and wellbeing than out of touch politicians greedy and stuck with six meter old boys honor codes shoved up their asses
jesus!

a casual remark, forrest gump, sent home sick, early. thank you from the bottom of my heart i really cannot be here a second past the limits of my patience
"some men just want to watch the world burn"

anyway this whole world i have trouble imagining even though i know it exists possible dystopian futurepast. i appreciate that my autocorrect feature does not recognize dystopian only utopian. a funny feature in a virtual act that would only encourage the former.

i don't want to make a single dollar in another's name
i'd rather own a lot in detroit already stript of its copper!!

bloody snot almost a week. good cold. i seek ways to prolong it. tonight; beer and oniony cream spinach. tomorrow, a quiet return to oolong.

research projects announced across private networks restricted bandwidth enough for the headlines and captions but not for the image. good god man! looking for volunteers. a tacit acceptance is fine according to U?n guidelines(typo accepted i'm a little drunk).

it is i am ashamed to report that i actually missed the full moon 2 nights ago and only realized it was waning by now by looking at my calendar. i'm losing my touch. i am quite glad nobody relies on it or i would have hell to pay. i apologize to any hungry monsters i've forgotten about.

these things are hard to believe. i wish i was even more free than present circumstance to investigate the death of a human being. that is, we'll all die and at some point or another we each must face that fact. if we do not, we live in a vague conceptual reality where actions, results have less of an impact or importance. it is good to know eventually we will face an impossible threshold. what happens? where do we go? these questions are designed to be ignored but only fools ignore them and only exceptional fools ask them but forget about trying to find an answer. if each human was concerned about their own death, even in a selfish way, the world would instantly change into a paradise.
i simply cannot intentionally work for the betterment of a population that on average considers wide trucks and excess horsepower and does not consider the quality of their beer.

intentionally a horde of apes descends & announces a breakthrough in disease research
"enough are finally sick enough that we will search for cures beyond rosewater"
whatever, there is an ocean in any earthplane direction from here and any other directions would simply be better. goodfuckinnight.

sidewayszombie @ 2012-01-10T22:04:00

2012-01-11T06:04:24Z

i did not ration my chemboosts prudently.
drifting amidst moon salvage dying star it is a race between a friendly refueling and being struck depressurized by this backwater system's furniture.
all the billboards have been beaming some crazy stardate not so distant, wonder what it means...

most people stay down and keep the company of the horizon well not me even if or perhaps despite the meaninglessness.
i come to find out the ship has holes.
crackshots, the chaotic good, medicine smugglers, soupfiends, still silent adepts. they are good for a cue but not for company. in fact their horizon is very much their own drifting amidst.
faction credits only selfgenerate in hacked auth the sneak himself a hacker of sorts each horizon a realm each realm a ruler, rival, chaotic natural elements, direction of conquest...

and anyway as long as the occasional debris glint hits the fins it is enough to perpetuate the radio ping fantastic echo cascade

this happens every time i forget to include jazz fusion in my routine

2011-12-30T05:05:29Z

i saw an overweight woman using a leafblower and it nearly ruined my day. were the fumes worth blowing dirt a few yards? the wind will blow it back. industrial masturbation.
still, there is turmeric and tie kuan yin in the world. there is music with unorthodox time signatures.

the evening news silently(not tacitly mind you, but actively & yet silently) accepts/perpetrates fudged numbers--fail to acknowledge a candidate and our social memory conforms within half an apathetic/imprisoned generation.
ron paul might just get my vote crazy fuck he is. the important people dont like him, good enough for me since i assume he'd take the bullet and die "young" like jfk instead of break/go gray like obama. infact every bullet sunk in the chest of a proud human is a visceral strike against tyranny if only the lot of us were prepared to starve to death we'd have nothing to fear.

a voice sings in the clouds but fails to be specific. i'd expect nothing more or less from that type of voice.

yes, i have been away. i've been married to glass and bamboo, clay and malleable alloy. i think today the weather finally turned. ffs, i've been waiting. i wish i was an alchemist or metallurgist or artisan but i have been stirring pots in the kitchen and poking at pourholes in yixing pots only.

it was in the meeting of a plumber. forcefully blowing the nose, once, fatefully. not everyone can manage to appear angry and smile at the same time. i uncharacteristically study my face in the mirror and note i have wrinkles from laughing but not from frowning, it makes the day go by easier

beer and wine stuff up my nose and turn my temperature(sulfites?). not as aggressively as marijuana.
restaurant and prepackaged food gives me heartburn. i have all the conditions for a season of discipline except the motivationmomentum. i lazily blame the frigid fog after being spoiled by san francisco.
when i have on shoes, i must make weird apologies about my eating habits. when i am at home i eat like a greedy monk on visitor day and forget my prayers but appreciate when my bedtime story anime series of choice cheers some virtuous act completed by the main characters.
i could drag my nails against the hard floor crying where heaven is now. i miss it. i've forgotten even that i have been homesick so long.
i assumed the act of moving would take care of it, instead i only found my bad habits in the boxes and realized i'd left my good ones in the old room. i hope the new inhabitant appreciates them.

a dozen wivestale economic indicators have been ringing days, weeks, months some more than a year the wizards are so ver-said at their craft nobody knows the game is over infact if you've got aces at the final table there is no reason to even pick up the chips from the cable the cashier already knows and has your bills stacked & banded it is good business to stay until the end the house loves it when the winner stays around to autograph the losers' foreheads...

as if preoccupied i glance over the new appointees under obama since last i looked. the list is yet another bush addendum. carlyle, goldman, monsanto, citibank. don't be fooled; clinton could sax the rats away from his pigfarm and pharma buddies but the poison kills just the same. all it has become is voting for chrome or matte finish on the prison bars and barbwire. even my credit union sends me mailers reminding me to use my credit card.

not being heavily invested in this instance of humanity on planet earth it is hard for me to grieve. i know that starving to death is quite painful drawn out but still it is better than having every streetcorner camera recognize my face. logan's run i'd rather die feeling old, alone, free with horror my hope thoroughly shot through in deciduous wood eating the legacy of man than warm, young, wombworld, ignorant and powerless. the 5% population seen the light even if to tumble or rappel down the mountain again, to shout or be silent about the view since the horizon always extends maybe it'll take 1000 years to get there again but we will, even if as another race on another planet after the poison sleep of this one...

ndaa's grandfather is the patriot act while a true patriot is a criminal and a terrorist. it is hard not to laugh, it is harder not to cry.

"I meditate diligently every morning. The subject is Life and Love. I quit after three seconds."

sidewayszombie @ 2011-12-22T11:50:00

2011-12-22T19:50:46Z

the rinse is silver, the first pot is gold.
why do the young leaves have gray hair?

i don't know where it went. i don't know what primordial urge it is.

winter is rough outside of the sf climebubble. there is frost. there is wind. there is glass on the road. there are no clearly marked bicycle lanes.
if i can see past it there are tigers and springs. there is a suit of dwarf-forged chainmail in a nearby cache.

when i contemplate life i'm forced to wonder how far gone i am. some colors i cannot see anymore but i can't say i miss them. they've been replaced with another spatial dimension. at times the sensory adjustment is novel and exciting but it is a lot of work i am not very inclined to do consistently.
i don't want to party. i don't want money. i don't want a car or a house. i don't want my team to win the war or the bowl.
i guess it is a problem that i am too lazy to actively appreciate my clear fortune. not a tragedy i suppose but i am not as special as i used to be.
maybe a dozen earthmen have earned real statues whereas wealthy diplomats are as numerous as rats and beloved leaders outnumber the strange animals their delectables come from. clever students are just sand.
it is something backwards like this that actually might inspire me.

everywhere i go conifers are covered in snow. the ones that were caught off guard are already buried.
in fact i like the quiet cold and the tracks remind me of dusty shelves. spring is a strange concept.

just read about raytheon making a weapon that can knock the wind out of someone at a distance. amazing that people who design, build, use these things can sleep at night.

sidewayszombie @ 2011-12-18T16:15:00

2011-12-19T00:20:31Z

today is effectively my friday. i have made a calculated decision to get drunk tonight. hopefully i will write hilariously incoherent eve fanfic and cryptic complaints about the state of society. you know, the usual.

jeff beck plays the guitar with his thumb. nothing he does is revolutionary but hot dayum is he a groover. from funked out wah to breakbeats(!?). tonight is a jeff beck night and i am not answering my phone.

sidewayszombie @ 2011-12-15T23:19:00

2011-12-16T07:20:15Z

i wanted to be a sage but instead there was lunch

sidewayszombie @ 2011-12-13T01:47:00

2011-12-13T09:50:06Z

this holiday season remember to waste electricity by wiring up your house to glow all night to let everyone know you like presents.

sidewayszombie @ 2011-11-20T22:46:00

2011-11-21T06:45:49Z

. I have a larger no I don't know how far to go I am I'll see my journal at a bar drinking belgian beers I don't know how far to go
I AM
Qell, j was qyell tge peasabts
Tutn kut the cheak lig±its us as evcfi ci ebt as aby tuch typr2
Adterixjerret
Dham mosern prig spacr space
Thabx honru t v x p a no signal tvx ybx bi duhnal plx tpt cond
Ptrlumrbaru draft dusregar ebt hx.

it is really so great.

2011-11-14T11:05:16Z

i sit amidst floating rocks(nodding playfully though i can't see it) and turn off my radio
the ping would betray my dark spot thus i sit in silence

vegetable heaps
if life was a phil lesh jam i'd get thru it better
trying to get home in oakland i feel drunk or something, and it reminds me of dc or dreams
and we walk through occupy oakland. it briefly turned my heart, the hand drawn signs admonishing me to join a credit union or ride a bicycle.
i guess i wish for the wrong things.

i dunno, i dunno how long it'll take.

sidewayszombie @ 2011-10-31T03:08:00

2011-10-31T10:08:50Z

if you grind on good days and grind on bad days thats when you win

sidewayszombie @ 2011-10-31T01:42:00

2011-10-31T08:42:31Z

i've got to be up in the morning
whimpering staircase idito ¿que?

three bottles
nine bottles.

cremplication. c-r-e-m-p-l-i-c-a-t-i-o-n--hahahaha!!
"i won't ever play scrabble against you."
**
using the raven's eye to find a new way home
(intentionally getting lost if my knees feel too strong one day)

that little guy is flying around space

listening to.,

a smokescreen
a snakescreen
the twist and feint of a bandit. the sharp spinaround. the eye gouge, the shriek, the flashbang.
a gallop,
without it there is no evidence.

can i manage to watch a dozen things at once? i would be a master of activity.
every activity is one dozen balancing acts and life is one hundred activities.

you call the shots
a soothing female voice begins to count down
700 of us collectively hold our breath and prepare for the jolt the hull is about to receive.
some of us will jump, some of us will pray, some of us will urinate.
the ones i keep close might giggle a little to themselves, or hum or whistle in extreme cases.

an old bay earlobe from a seawater bridge plot the droopy diction

watching carts of minerals truck past. watching bellows belch. sooteye. trashtalk. a fistfight. a sour pucker from the overwork
**
utility, improvising.
the channels are monitored by software to ping whenever some intel in fact some
he whips forward awake in his chair and pounds his hands on the desk.
he spills his coffee there is finally a chance at warping out.
in one week's time, he wakes up in a barracks under the press where his weekly 20k rounds of phased plasma make an entire crater glow in the dark.

story's in the way you walk before you had you coffee or tea.

the merchant mixes business with pleasure
minted men sigh at the ticker
silver men of industry become jubilant when some fool oversupplies the place with ore

a full stack of auctions and contracts
a stuffed letterbox
a grimy window.
bills artfully arranged across a desk.
**

i gotta say, october has been pretty FKNAWESOME.
i mute everything. i "accidentally" drop two cards unsuited and low rank but they are both paired. unfortunately nothing will stop me from grinning.

some days, massaged by reality.
some days verily stretched on The Rack.

much of it produces phlegm. thank god there is cayenne for that. i hurl myself into a trench and snap a few vertibrae, radio a strike and toss the mag-locator hopefully far away enough to survive.
does it?
warmth and screams wash over me from a dozen yards uphill some trees topple

the desert bakes geometric cakes against my will
don't hiss!
goodnight

they!? it!?

2011-10-25T03:39:25Z

"they have it!?"
check check datacore down someone near ako gate please snag it from the v3 "foil" wreck
bzztmy wing needs a nanite patch anyone have rr?--
**
plus plus besan tahini plus plus
jump jump.

sidewayszombie @ 2011-10-20T12:40:00

2011-10-20T19:40:36Z

sometimes when you are between planets you can hear the sun's life pulse.
sometimes when you are between stars(an interesting affair for the mind when the ship's hull is the entirety of graspable, material existence.

well you have my authcode if you ever need some quiet cash or some wuyi tabs.
i made a blue friend. i made a red enemy.
cuz if you wanna get high man and you wanna fly man
you've-got-to-be-on-the-right-side

**
change of address (1 of 5)
spill a coffee
a formal greeting.

a patterened, habitually formed set of malapropisms.

Burst apart the shackles that are with a smiting holy blow brought down across our shoulders!

protectors, guardians,
spring silently from hills in the distance

...and inbetween galaxies your heart beats only once in a million years.

sidewayszombie @ 2011-10-18T06:17:00

2011-10-18T13:17:41Z

trash from a dead spy
satellite drones
flying spider drones zipping down nanotube rails to hose off burning hulls
your log has been updated.
**
"mm i had HELLA oolongclick"
a little work in the hast has passed. in a fine twist of smoke caught on a stirring warmth arising from an afternoon sun ray
"wanting more than you've got to give"
~~tears stream in vylade
a satisfying layer of dirt. i knocked shit around on my rig to see what does what.

knowing the secrets of a dead spy;
a case of beer. women. loud rips, screams down a highway.
an interstellar case of podrot.

the jaguar and the wolf. each poems in a 2500 cubic meter package.
stopping bullets with the signature.
warping away........

each their own artforms
the orbiter, the groundpounder, the fisher, the sneak. the rook, the rooster, the crow.
a dagger made of air, a hammer & claw made of tristack gallente "blackguard" chipped lavaflow only from nausschire VII,
caldarian silk rope. amarr slavepressed space wine.

this one man him got this big ship with other ships in it
he got lots of datacores this man him robbed up an entire moonlab
the bills and strange tokens they all trade, in outer space.
proof of a dead man, proof of a conspiracy, proof of warwheels turning...

brrroowwwng(a nice, soft, round computer tone to wake a dozing captain to an alert)--"we do so apologize for the interrupted service. we will resume transmission shortly. thank you for tuning into us here on the outer rim with R0B0EZRD and Fat Tom the Wormcan.

strategic subsystems

2011-10-17T06:37:03Z

sprouts
oolong overload
i am in outer space.
getting to know my shutdowns.
i don't doubt that things are born in the mind.
jamming every other day. just like riding a bike.
i will stay in outer space until entropy pulls me apart.
intentionally got lost riding home. i found a yoga place on a hill near my house with reasonable rates.
energetically, i am doing the best i can to ruin my gains--sushi buffet between work and home, indian buffet a few mins from the house.
i am homesick for the busyness of the city. i am homesick for the homelessness, and buskers, and dyed hair. i am quiet again since i am in a new place. being vegetarian is like being an alien.
i am physically sleepy at my new bux, but since i am not yet part of the inevitable interdrama and do not yet want anything from my coworkers it is a very empty place. perhaps not so strangely, replacing five years of "comfortable" work habits with being unaccustomed does not make me feel homesick in the least.

earth is ok. the gravity is balmy, the sun is not yet angry. clouds are better friends though.

sidewayszombie @ 2011-10-02T20:21:00

2011-10-03T03:20:51Z

Apparentlymy human likes to,get ripped nd listen to jambands uh oh

And to you and you and you I shake my fist at thee!

sidewayszombie @ 2011-09-26T17:30:00

2011-09-27T00:41:56Z

in fact lawless everywhere the law is a mere illusion we pacify ourselves vague, existent set of morals so we don't have to
in the lawless regions you might make a decision in only 15 mins that could end your life sometimes in only 15 secs. the ones that stay alive realize everyone has to make these decisions at every moment until they give up.

dog cough blood break chain run off to woods die alone, no mess or sad relatives, honorable
since he is alone he is able to talk to his guardians briefly while between worlds. this is the real reason.

the best part about emp rounds is the audible sizzle. the best part about depleted uranium rounds is the tactile thump.

not being able to see past the containment tank there is no way of knowing what is real and what is dreams
"if you must, bow to form."

they panic because things disappear. everything is still visible but it just isn't there. lizards hide under rocks they find out are much too small but find out too late...

an xr mindflood and a pair of drops,
suddenly i realize i haven't eaten fucking carrots and rice for three days
i can punch through walls.
there isn't much of a point behind cranking unless i've got two pinned indys flailing around between asteroids trying to get a clean warp. it isn't the candy they drop, it isn't the prey instinct. it is their response.

sidewayszombie @ 2011-09-25T19:36:00

2011-09-26T02:35:55Z

And guys I wanna fry out this.uninsured 2004 tech w my blond ametican knockoff.
This himdinger of a curbcruiser yessiree can lpck out to 45km and putrun the fleet police I daresay
I heard the new ipo werr funded by h3 lunar olistates
A alloy for da BEW YOU.

sidewayszombie @ 2011-09-25T19:29:00

2011-09-26T02:31:19Z

nobutguys
yoga, seriously. blowing my mind.
i do not deserve the hilarious sensations, i am so eager to waer them away day's time.
i know the sunlight stretch of a catnip'd cat. i know the lunge, i know the proud mountain, i know the wideleaf under torrential rain bends to deposit cloudrain into chiming clay gutters ,

sidewayszombie @ 2011-09-25T19:14:00

2011-09-26T02:20:52Z

his room is cold and empty, in boxes neatly in corners
i accidentally pick a melancholy cd and can't tell which way is up
beer, sushi, cheesecake, weed
a week to get so so so dizzy, man...

maybe i'll even puke in this house one last time
i certainly am leaning far enough over the railing...

lookin down

really high up here, man. jeez.

better keep climbing.
**

guys, tonight i've gotta cry a litt.e.
it was a real good day. i was worried about keeping myself occupied for the next week, no job, no toys accessible,
i had to gently shake a spider out of my sheets last night. i noticed before i put the lights out
goodnesS! he coulda bit and i coulda squished! who wins?
he reared back in the midnight panic light switch
i crouch. we face each other. who will make the first move?
i tell him a prayer out loud and he walks onto the paper and earns a good spot a place where he can grow and catch birds, second story windowsill where i pull deposit other bugs, possibly for him and if not then for their own safety, all that so we may never have to bite each other again.
<3 guys!!!+1one+lol
**

hull upgrades V
allows an alloy escape route.
hydraulics screaming or thumping, chocolate stout bile
shortnav circuits fried, 2g slam in unexpected direction...
jar new direction
pray and grab the crown of your scalp boys... your radio could short at any second and lose all communi**no hyperbole