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some entire electrobeatnik alternate world
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[15 Jul 2009|09:18pm] |
the past two weeks or so have been an excellent vacation through the land of "why did i do that? i know better"
the outward manifestations are quite mundane; i did not need that third irish car bomb, i did not need that third plate at the buffet, that doubt or frustration was founded quite obviously upon an illusion i willingly created and believed
i know too much not to smile about all this
the book! when i read a powerful book i live inside it
autobiography of a yogi certainly deserves to be read alongside bodri and nan. jon anderson's reaction to a part of it inspired tales from topographic oceans, the most cosmic yes album ever
the wisdom inside it bites very hard but very gentle, there is the constant wonderful reminder of divine humor in it which i find i sometimes lack in my ridiculous tendency towards seriousness.
a very good book for me to read
quite mundane, but the source is very great.
i no longer separate my fears and weaknesses
they are all explicitly related
a twinge in the lower back is not at all different from barking at a customer, indulging in something smoky, eating some unbalanced fat or having a nightmare.
this is not something to be agreed upon until it is experienced for the self
a fast, an apology, a plea and stretching are all after the same intent.
an ego, a map, a plan, an amulet, a fair rose, a mantra, modern art!
someone who can dry bricks in the sun might be a genius.
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[15 Jul 2009|11:44am] |
there is something about service and helping
through your best efforts
clear and known
anger & the test
splashing and stomping, an angry water monster hahaha!
if i would be the character i wished there was one of in the world
it is our only duty, if we keep imagining our selves
but my character knows all that.
a composite character, an entire planet and its heroes!
its natural forces: fauna, weather, the effect of its position in its galaxy
its civilized motives, or wrecking motives through civilization, (merely tides)
its ages, angels coming into millennium existences to end their lives shunned by younger angels scared of their own eventual fall back to earth, old angels and saints(as there were scalpings and poured boiling oil so too must there have been saints and pacifists) since restricted to scripture which has become myth
very rich
i am headed to a restaurant called raja indian cuisine
they certainly nailed their flavor!
and with some skill, to taste so heavy but sit so light.
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[14 Jul 2009|10:15am] |
"true self-analysis mathematically operates to produce seers."
same book
amazing
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| fair rose who taught him how to ???//"welcome to the dawning of the day" |
[13 Jul 2009|06:09pm] |
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walking along a path of flower petals
making my own trail mix, rice pudding, stews
flowers, flowers, flowers
flowers everywhere!
half a dozen reasons, or just two, or three, or one.
so he grabs the powder from the porcelain mortar
very clean instruments, but a coarse grind. still, with skill it is a valuable tradeoff.
and because he is greedy he makes a horrible spill
and has to laugh; what a joyous occasion to get rid of some of this awful stuff!
oh, he has never been fooled. alchemists harbor some dark secrets, and sometimes their failed attempts are their greatest triumphs, avoiding some great evil.
( intense adventures in imagination )
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[13 Jul 2009|09:16am] |
a future world, 150 years
longevity mystics battle quietly over truth with those who take fountain of youth pills
imagine the quality of life if we're 200 years old still eating meat and smoking cigarettes! who would want that? grotesque rituals, then
in disguise
and following the moon
"he fell in love with one fair rose"
i carry a half dozen though, each uniquely beautiful as the rest
which one(s) will keep growing, though they've all been picked?
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[12 Jul 2009|03:52pm] |
"powers of astral radio and television"
what a book!
autobiography of a yogi
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[09 Jul 2009|02:47pm] |
nap dreams are why i love naps.
me and some randoms are in a muni station, they're climbing on some unstable construction scaffolds
they tip one over, it knocks two giant logs(from where???) into the rail pit
a train is coming from the distance so i jump down and quickly kick one of the logs out of the way but now a train is coming on the other rail too and i won't have time to move both logs completely out of the way, the first train hits a log but does not crash as horrifically as i expected
the guys responsible jump down to help but an enormous mutant rat or medium sized dog comes leaping out of one of the tunnels making awful noises at us so they run, chasing us by jumping from all legs at once but mostly the hind so it looks like a rabid hunched over kangaroo
i recognize it as a dog, so i growl back to slow it
i grab a trashcan lid as some kind of armor but cannot yet read the dog's mind(thinking this in the dream) so i do the next closest thing, i subtly change growling out of my own fear and repulsion from the animal into a form which would most clearly demonstrate to the dog something which would trigger his own fear. my friends do not believe it is working but i have seen it in the dog's eyes where suddenly he is now growling out of fear of me rather than aggression and in the next instant i recognize that he has been greatly wronged by humans before.
in that instant, i stop growling and drop my shield and the dog simultaneously recognizes that i have recognized, he lowers his head and tail and slinks up to me, sad and ashamed. i apologize to him the way i know how, "you poor creature!" and pet his head and scratch his back and sides as he rolls over for it. i wake up but i am still sad for the dog.
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[09 Jul 2009|02:29am] |
here is an interesting thought experiment i grappled with on the N owl:
suppose you are male and have just had a pleasant but somewhat chaotic quasi-first date with someone wherein both parties are aware of some initial mutual attraction.
further suppose that it is now very late and both of you are heading in the vague direction of your respective homes, neither in the most direct way so as to share what distance may be shared
suppose she is trying half-heartedly to hail a taxi, that it is actually incredibly late considering the irish car bombs and two am hour and work tomorrow and..., but also that the conversation has resumed from the chaos during the walk
you successfully stop a cab without her realizing one was approaching, alert her, share a warm hug and wish her well knowing it is the last night you will see her before she leaves for india for over a month.
do you receive a point for helping her home or lose a turn for sending her away?
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[07 Jul 2009|09:06pm] |
( checkin mahself )
my have not yets, my could have but didn'ts, my almosts, my shouldn't haves, my maybe one days, my soons, my not any time soons, so what?
every didn't is also a did.
i'll end up doing exactly what i do, nothing more nothing less
not resigned to anything, that wouldn't work anyway
eloy lyrics: may i just be dust in this world? still, this world is made of me. may i cry out against the wind? it will always carry me.
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[06 Jul 2009|10:21pm] |
an hour and a half between two games of chess daydreaming about archers in towers and calvary flanking frightened farmers i finally understand why the queen has so many available moves;
soaring power with her in sight
and with her locked away, nothing is so easily possible
this reminds me of a dream i had a while ago
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[04 Jul 2009|02:46pm] |
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music |
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"utopia", "old loves die hard", "yes" |
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"yeah, i was pretty sure you meant 'pizza'."
hahahaha!
little tokens which are given in times of celebration to reflect light during storms and deflect the arrow's barbs
if the celebration is real, a badge is the best armor
if it is a lead alloy dusted with gold to keep angry mercenaries out of dwindling food stores, what hope is there? send the metallurgist to find the trailkeeper and herbalist to ask them why our fields won't grow
brave young apprentices with new hairs among old on their chins and the atypical proud daughter of a holy man form an adventurer's party in crucial times
& fear the old harbor, with weightless oxidized ancient timepieces--
beat poets so fun because they knew the hookup of the cellphone before we did, and perfectly preproduced its bullshit static
characters with a generation between, they're like old constellations on the horizon as we keep moving,
nah, it's not geometry! it's poetry!
digdog303: weed is bad for trying to do geometry
digdog303: it makes things move sloppy through space
PoorJamesBond: geometry is everything
digdog303: nah, poetry!
we're talking about geometry!
and.. this clear crisp cold outside...
a fall day to snap in my face and give me rosy cheeks for a different reason
i don't blush as much these seasons, it's still a shy smile but one that thinks it already knows way more.
and it's hilarious they've got me using such a heavy bass!
it changes my body and that changes my mind and that changes me
and so it sounds like earth
though i hope there is enough gentle but moving water, both spring and stream(to circulate)...
so, reading a book is 100% jogging in the morning and/or tai chi when either feeling well or coughing...
**
there is something magic about living with natural wood
trees and wood buildings
the walls stay very warm when they're painted right, and walking through an urban forest puts the mind in the right place
in a way all this plastic shit does not
**
humans, "literally" in one hilarious sense but why bother to qualify, had a history of being foreign earth-fated angels
and we tasted rock salt and our bodies grew heavy
one of my favorite stories
"oh, sick skinny stupid wandering philosopher freak brother milarepa, please have this cheeseburger and jack and coke and quit the shit"
for reals.
(he didn't tho)
why don't i have any unoccupied artist friends!
a band of five psi-monknauts who roam and philosophate, they carry a mortar and a pestle(mortar is broken into four nebulous pieces)
... field trip! through mortars and pestles, smelting, millstones, windmills
and they battle freaky demons by grinding herbs and potions into bomb-altering minds.
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[04 Jul 2009|01:56am] |
i emailed my mom to thank her for makin' me
today, rushed and scattered i wonder if i will have to apologize myself away from their current outer space stoner jam band(ugh! "jam band"? we do so much more than jam, we explore the cosmos!) concept
and the brownies start to peak for today, and we close all the windows, and my doubt turns the dim light's reflections a sinister shade of red before i am cornered! and my frustration with my current ability is roped down and forced to learn a new scale right there, and then we chant and the chanting turns into a dawn scene on a moon in the form of some sshshshshshhshshs from the drums and the lowest tonic's murmur from me and little morningbird echoes from the guitar
and 2x40 minute jams later, all recent and shallow doubts are obliterated, only to leave the worthwhile ones that provide true work rather than worry.
a new record in stamina for me since that alembic is heeeeevvv-eeee.
funny little story, right after i left last night one of them knocked it over and it almost made the world end. it leapt four feet or so from its stand to land off the carpeted area on the hardwood floor and left a huge dent in the floor but it was already in tune today even after that and had a great tone to boot.
forgetting to leave myself reminders all night because
message 22 locked.
four people today, "you're just loving life right now, you're just in the best music/drug/people/yourself phase ever, oh i envy that beginner mystic passion but not the adorable ignorance and sloppy style"
quite happy to be since all the fundamentals of the truest character i yet know myself to be are surfacing,
marble veins to hew and polish
a diet 15% more sattvic than some months ago, the benefits are... a hilarious joke!
the happy act of preservation and prevention, instead of the swampy dance of indulgence and recovery
it is a big flip in personality which must occur but it is quite gratifying
& when others see us moving huge stones they will surely help, intent so earnest.
**
to be inspired to be
i would kneel at the right time
duty and its diligence, which is armor and which is the crown?
talking at length with the cartographer and his apprentice,
there are half a dozen maps here which i shall bring with me
these places are the same between them, accounting for their scale of vantage
as the maps begin to laugh at us, will we be quick to adapt,
and have we learned to see it through?
a bird foresees our fortune
**
"psychic, psychic, he is psychic i know right???"
no,
a canyon echoes because there is no longer a rushing river.
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| fuck! i'm still way young at 25! signature drinks: buttery nipple, irish car bomb, black russian |
[03 Jul 2009|01:15pm] |
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music |
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"fo-ollow the light!" (eloy, 1984) |
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fucking doubt! why do we have this thing? i know how it is false, have seen through and conquered and laughed in every way, and yet...
what is that which destroys it?
a solid character, i think.
since what i still think is myself is a very inconsistent thing, i am all over the place
making friends with desires and ambitions, ha! and trying to make wisdom into the desire and ambition, haha!
it certainly can be done, but nobody can do it.
still, it is my favorite thing.
i put things in safe boxes for the if of the "only when"
i wonder how many people would look in those boxes with me! not many!
our best friends as kids were those who'd help us dig up treasure, and when we'd find an ant's nest or old plastic easter egg, oh what a day!
will the experience of excitement over facing an opportunity forever get in our way? or will we manage it, and use it? or forget it, and exceed it? or forgo it through a sublimation and rocket on?
the way of psychology is quite obtuse! or abstruse? both! or it is only an or, or a neither, all dependent on who you are.
yogachara is for white people who didn't find despair in nietzsche.
**
i am in a rush to get ahead of myself but blah blah
this is the year i'll blah blah
and house parties with midnight vultures, hello nasty, pass the peas: best of the jb's, the love movement all onshffl.
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[03 Jul 2009|12:45pm] |
"hey there! you've reached jill ------ but she can't answer your call right now, so leave a message and have a grreeat day!" if you'd like to page this person press 1, otherwise leave a message after the tone. *beep*
(inbreath) WH--phonehangs up--WHEEEEEEEWWWW! what the fuck is up! so about tomorr..er, hello? hahahaha
ahahahahaha!
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[03 Jul 2009|12:38pm] |
starcastle lyrics to mark the day:
feathers and leaves are running away, following stars that go as they may, dancers are melting into the day // flowing in time, branches and vine, climb with the wings of sound // this is the dawning of the day
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